Showing Off Your Hobby in Public

What I do is look for opportunities to practice my hobbies in public. Not in the classroom, not in front of my teacher, but in front of a real audience. There's lots of ways to go about this: enter contests, find a captive audience who will clap politely, or video whatever you are doing. Just knowing that it's being video will have the same effect. What's the point of doing it in public? To up your game. There is nothing to get your adrenalin involved like being in front of people for the newbie.

You'd think that I'd have gotten over my stage fright by now but that's not the case. This week I played a small concert on the guitar for my watercolor class. I did the same thing in front of my dad and one of his housemates at his assisted living facility. Being perfect at my level is not a realistic possibility, and these groups don't expect it. They just want to support you. Even though I knew everybody, I still had a pretty good case of butterflies going. And of course I had more fun than anybody else there. Once you've broken the ice and played in front of a "safe" crowd, your confidence is up and you can work toward playing in front of a lesser "known" crowd. Hey, we could play at a Borders or something. It's all about just getting in the water to learn how to swim. If you don't get in the water, you'll never swim.

I also entered an art contest this week. I didn't know whether the woven painting or the portrait would win. Most people thought the frogs were the slam dunk, but I wasn't 100% sold. I thought Al Pacino might win over adorability. He IS pretty adorable, too. And he won. So what does this accomplish? Did I get any money? No, I got a ribbon I don't get to keep. And I paid $30 to enter the two pieces (and join the Friends of the Dallas Public Library). But it upped my game! Now I'll enter more contests. AND I have another show scheduled in the spring for all my new portraits and woven paintings that I've been cranking out. Thanks to the Dallas Public Library.

How do you up your game with reading? Books on tape! I'm almost done listening to Jane Eyre at the office (I have one of those jobs that I can do while listening to books and watching the daddycam at my dad's house), I'm listening to The Unauthorized Biography of J. Edgar Hoover in the car, and on the train and at lunch and on the elliptical or in bed I read What Happy People Know or a Thomas Wolfe. So basically, this week I've upped my reading by doing it in public.

Why would you want to up your game? There's lots of reasons to do a hobby, but improving your skill is part of the deal. Plus, if you don't challenge yourself, it's not nearly as fun. There's lots of ways to keep your brain active, and learning a new skill (a new song, a new painting technique, a new exercise) is about the best. Watching TV is about the fastest way to turn your brain to mush. Think about it. We are all born with that particular skill mastered.

Woven Paintings: Create a Special Painting from Two So-So Ones

We had a demo last year in my watercolor class that basically rocked my painting world. I always like to develop new watercolor techniques that are easy and turn out consistently good results. Weaving two paintings together is about as easy as it gets.

First you paint two separate paintings of the same subject. Landscapes probably turn out the best. Portraits are a bit difficult and, although Liz Taylor is recognizable, I have to deviate from her true skin tone in order to get any variance in the paintings. In the above I used orange, so it might come out just Liz with splotches of orange around the mouth. I don't think too many people at the office who saw it even realized it was a woven painting. I could have gone WAY off the natural skin tone, but then she wouldn't look like a person. Or green. Or blue. Skin tone on the first painting and orange and gold on the second just says bad skin.

OK, so let's say you are going to pick a landscape, a seascape, an unusually shaped structure, aspen trees, or an animal. You do two exact pictures by tracing. I personally go one light, one significantly darker; one pastel, and one more primary. Opposite colors on the color wheel work great. I tend to stay away from browns and a whole lot of realism for the colors. However you do your painting, it will come off abstract in the end due to the weaving. I would say the less complicated your subject, the more recognizable it is. The building in Santorini above is a good, basic building with the shadows on both paintings in the same place. Most areas can be lined up on a simple subject. If you do mountains with varying shaded areas, the tops of the mountains can be lined up, but not the shading. Some people don't mind things being out of alignment, but it just depends on how recognizable you'd like your subject to be.

Once I have done the paintings I start on the cutting. This is also arbitrary. The most common is one vertical and one horizontal. I think that's a bit boring, and tend to go with circular lines on one and diagonal lines on the other. Even if you like straight lines, diagonal is far more interesting. Curves add movement to the picture making it almost swirly. Curved lines can be drawn with a big bowl. I draw the lines on the back of the picture, and if there are details on one painting I want to retain in the finished painting (e.g. a cool cloud formation or in Liz's case the eyes in one were better than the other) I draw the lines on the front of the painting around that area and build the cuts around that one strip.

Finally you cut it based on my little video, and just weave the strips together ony by one. It might take a good while to get everything to line up. I sometimes start over. The best way to avoid getting things out of order is to number the back of the strips.

What comes out in the final product is a big surprise, especially to me! I have NO idea what the weaving will look like. But so far, I've been more pleased with the woven painting than I was with the original works. I guess it's because it really is an accident and it's SO easy to make it all come together.

Portrait Painting

Every week before my watercolor class, I draw my subject from a photo. I draw each area of varying shades. What really carries the day with a picture is the values (although color gets all the credit.) Just like painting ship sails, painting a face is all about painting shadows. I start off with a wash of burnt sienna. Everybody starts off as a light skin tone, and I find burnt sienna applies to everybody, regardless of race. I then paint the shadows, layer after layer. Going gradually darker over about two hours. (Of course the eyes and teeth are left white until I get the skin completely done.)







 

When I've gone as far as I can with the hills and valleys of the cheek bones, chin, neck, etc., I go for the detail work of the eyes, lips and hair. Then I shade the whites of the eyes. If at this point I see that I've gone overboard on the skin tones for the shading, I can remove a layer of the shading by "painting" the shadow with water, maybe giving it a little scrub with a clean brush, and patting it with a paper towel. If I need to take the whole area off, I can do that with a slightly damp Magic Eraser. This really is magic. If I want to put in a highlight where one doesn't currently exist, I can take the Magic Eraser and rub out a circle where I want the cheekbone or forehead to come forward to the viewer.

See if you can name all the famous people in the paintings!

Tennis: Healthy Fun at Any Age

I used to say that my purpose for being on my tennis league was to make people feel really good about their game. I was slow and erratic, although I had pretty good hand eye coordination and a wicked backhand and serve. However my game went, I had more fun than anyone else out on the courts. The social connection is just as much fun as the game. If you are willing to have fun and not get overly caught up in the competition (beat up yourself, your team mates, or your competition) you can do this well into old age and stay fit.

HOW TO LEARN TO PLAY:

There's lots of continuing ed courses all over the place including city rec centers, tennis centers, and junior colleges. These last eight weeks or so and are in groups. You can also take individual classes. Although these teach you the mechanics, you don't actually play any games so you don't learn the rules or etiquette. There's plenty of easy books out there and now you can find whatever you want on the Internet.

JOIN A LEAGUE:

Don't get stuck in the trap of lessons, lessons, lessons and more lessons. After about two series of lessons, you are ready for a league. Leagues have different levels, and obviously you will start in the beginner league. You don't have to be proficient to be at this level. League playing is where you will really progress. Since you are a baby player, you should join a city league for less than $40 for however many months the league season goes (which goes toward reserving courts). I was in the Carrollton league for five plus years (never did leave the beginner league) and we had people from their twenties to about 70. In order to progress, you have to play people better than yourself. This is why you don't want to get stuck in lessons without actual games. In lessons, you are competing against yourself. In leagues, you are competing against other people. It keeps you far more honest. In lessons, you are paying an instructor to tell you "Man, that was AWESOME," whereas, on a league, you might hear that and you know it's the truth. Or, on a league, you might hear dead silence or a sigh or a "Next time, try hitting to her backhand." You can always take lessons while playing on the league. You can also get your league members to take private lessons with you and split the cost. Now that's a blast.

Your first league should probably be a doubles league. This is less taxing to your body as you are only doing half the work, or maybe less. It's just as much fun and you will make lots of friends as you have four people for each match. Depending on the courts, that could be eight to twelve people running around in an evening.

BUYING A RACQUET:

There's a huge difference between an el cheapo $30 racquet and a $120 racquet. You might want to try out a few racquets at a tennis center and then find your favorite online and buy it (for half the price). I played with what felt like a caveman club for the first three years. When I finally decided to invest in a decent racquet, it truly transformed my game. It was like playing with a pencil, it was so light. But my gosh, I could hit the ball three times harder. I just wish I hadn't waited so long.

DEALING WITH THE WEATHER:

Our league played in the evening, and in Texas at 6:30 that was the peak of the heat in the summer. During this grueling months, you might want to take a break. The key is to dress as light as possible and drink a lot of water. In the winter, it was just the opposite. At 28 degrees, we would play with layers on to the point where we looked like Eskimos out there barely able to swing a racquet or run. I was a little afraid to take months off and leave the league short handed. The thing is, in the winter at least, you can always warm up by the end of the first set. With 100 degree heat, you simply have to take care of yourself by taking time off if necessary. Everybody gets that. The upside is, you will lose five pounds of water in a night!!

STAYING IN SHAPE:

I found the best cross training for tennis was yoga. Tennis involves a lot of quick reflexive movements from a standing position. Fast arm swings, fast sprinting, and your brain gets very quick at telling your body what to do before you've actually thought anything through. The ball is moving fast and you don't have time to consider choices. Your body just somehow gets there and does it's thing. Because of this, you can be in some pain and the adrenaline will allow you to tune it out. Once you've pulled a hamstring, it's always vulnerable to the next injury. For me, the only time my hamstring didn't hurt was during the game!! So I offset all this herky jerky exercise with stretching by teaching yoga. As you saw from my yoga post, that was several classes per week. All that stretching allowed me to keep up the tennis two nights a week. All the tennis was anaerobic and burned many more calories than the yoga.

My tennis girlfriends and I got together with our husbands and boyfriends for potlucks, weekend tennis camps, restaurants, and tennis socials. I watched their kids grow up. This is a great way to make longterm friendships with people who like to stay fit, are a little bit competitive, and know how to have a great time. Like golf, you don't have to be terribly athletic (you see old overweight people playing at both sports all the time!). Your lack of athleticism can always be offset by some sneaky killer shots that you've perfected over the years. Our seventy year old had arthritic knees. She was slow. But she placed her returns where you couldn't reach them every time (she had a smokin' shot to the sidelines) and therefore was a highly desirable partner! This is the one sport where practice and finesse almost always beat brute power. Just like in Toastmasters, you can't go by what a player looks like.

I Found Mine Online. You Can Find Yours Online.

I have coached many in the art of online dating, from friends and coworkers to my dad, and did it myself from 1999 to 2002. Dad dated online successfully for five years, and two of my cousins found their current spouses this way. Everybody I know from work who met their partner in the last five years met them online. Before dating online I met people through the pre-internet routes such as personal ads and match making services. In the process I learned some things through trial and error that kept the experience safe and fun.

THE MAGIC WEBSITE:

There is no magic website. I recommend using multiple sites.

WHAT WORKS IN A PROFILE:

I hate to say this but men go strictly by the picture. OK, maybe they actually read the profile to screen a person out on a few specifics, but my boyfriend answered my ad titled "Looking for a Tennis Buddy". He'd never held a racquet in his life! Nor was he remotely interested in learning the sport. By the way, I wouldn't recommend that title.

I gave several of my friends at work the following template some years back as an intro:

________________ _______________ _____________ seeks __________ __________ ______________. Interested in __________________, ______________, ________________. Enjoy __________________, ___________, _________________. EXAMPLE: Petite (if this is true) or attractive degreed professional seeks a fit degreed professional. I am interested in art, music, and tennis. I enjoy comedy clubs, movies, and seafood.

This was something I used in the Dallas Observer and it still applies. For one thing, it tells the prospective date where to take you on the first date. Petite is always a great word to throw out there if it's true (and back in the early 90's we didn't have photos.) Also, back then we paid by the number of words, so we didn't want to use any more than the minimum. I'm telling ya, those were the days when blind dating was like walking to school in three feet of snow. It's MUCH easier now.

THE BODY OF THE PROFILE:

After this intro you want to use some humor. Here's a couple of profiles I ran with and had pretty good luck with:

Example Number One

If one of these titles is what you are looking for, I'm afraid we will not be a compatible match my friend:

Looking For A Man To Make Me into a Princess

Tattooed Biker Girl Likes to Party

Jesus is My Life and You Can Fit in Somewhere

Meat and Potatoes Kind of Gal

Marriage or Bust

Hooters Girl Loves to Party

Kissed Too Many Frogs

Hurt Too Many Times

Looking for a Sugar Daddy

Tired of Being Dumped

Biological Clock Banging Away

Handymen Get First Dibs

Alcohol Makes Me Pregnant

Mother of Three Beautiful Teenage Daughters, Lots of Pics

A Complete Package: Clueless, Clingy, AND Desperate!

If one of these titles fits YOU, we may be a pretty good match:

Looking For a Woman Who Makes a Great Salad!

Interested in Ms. Right (Not Ms. Right Now)

Seeking Someone Independent and Happy

Looking for Smart and Socially Savvy

I Will Never Dump You (I'm just kidding on this one)

Example Number Two:

Please take the following True False Test so I can see how compatible we are:

1. I like cocaine

2. Spirituality is what I'm all about.

3. I'm in debt over $20,000 besides my house and car.

4. Friday or Saturday is reserved for heavy drinking.

5. If I buy a woman dinner, sex is assumed.

6. I don't like movies all that much.

7. Degreed women think they know everything.

This list went on for about 20 questions. The thing is, if they didn't get that this was funny, (some took it very seriously and some sent hate mail) then it wasn't going to go anywhere anyway. I didn't really mind hate mail. I got it for the first example as well. It certainly saves you time and effort you'd put into finding out that the guy IS a bible thumper or a weekend alcoholic or is looking for a hooters girl. See what I mean? Unfortunately, some guys might assume from these examples that you are a little too weird (which I'm sure they did), or you might get someone with a sense of humor that has no power down button. Yuck. One of the nicest responses I got on the second one was "I don't think we'd be a very good match, but this is the funniest thing I've ever read in my life."

WHAT TO LEAVE OUT:

Look, you might want a spiritual man. No problem. But if you lead with that, I guarantee there are guys out there who might be bible thumpers looking for a submissive-captive type person. Or who use a lot of religiosity to take advantage of gullible women. There are con men out there. Just because someone knows all the buzzwords doesn't mean they walk the walk. Many do just the opposite. I edited one girlfriend's profile some years back, and she used the word "spirituality" at least three times. I told her, "The guy who answers this ad won't even own a car." Also, his brand of spirituality might very well not fit yours. This is something to check out over coffee. Not blast in the profile. It's good to come off as "balanced".

I had one friend who emphasized "committed relationship" in her profile. Sure enough, she went out with one guy who responded and when she didn't want to go out for that second cup of coffee (which is the norm) he fumed, saying that he thought they were committed, and WHY was her profile still on the website?? For a normal, stable person, who is also looking for a committed relationship, it will happen when the person is right. Otherwise, it's NOT committed. To a crazy out there (yes there are many of them) the fact that you stated commitment and marriage all over your profile means you are ready to head to the alter, with THEM. The box that is checked "yes" for "committed relationship", as opposed to casual date, is all you need to show on the matter.

I had one friend who used the word "sex" as in "sexually secure", or "sexually active", in her profile. Well, this is another "duh". I made her take it out. Look, there are predators out there who do searches based on buzzwords. I'm sure she got everybody's attention on this one. Again, if he's into you, he will become interested in the sack. Same with women, for you guys reading this. If they are not interested, move on. It's just not something you can talk anyone into long term.

Speaking of buzzwords, you can put things in your profile that you want to draw attention to. For example, on occasion I put "bonus points for _________________." This varied from Europeans to Seinfeld fans to Thai and seafood lovers. Believe me that shakes out your flavor of the month!

HAVING AN EXIT STRATEGY:

So you've dated this good looking person for a week, and now he doesn't look so good, sound so good, whatever. Remember, you don't know him, regardless of what stage this thing is in, in the first month. A person who is cordial on the first encounter or two might become dangerously pissed off if he just spent $40 on you for dinner before he started talking about (1) The little green man in his head who won't stop shouting (2) The last 20 women who dumped him for no reason (3) The affairs he had that broke up his marriage two months ago (4) his on again off again love affair with meth amphetamines. This is NOT a time to be honest with this person. This is a time to go home, alone, (he shouldn't know where you live at this point) and then politely tell him online or by phone that you are getting back together with you ex boyfriend. PERIOD. If the problem persists (and it might) have a male friend at work leave a new message on your answering machine at home (Male: We're not here right now. Please leave your name and number....) Leave it on for two weeks and the problem is resolved. I've had to do that myself two or three times. It certainly does the trick. Frankly, unless I've been dating a person for like, over three months, this is my normal way to break up with online dates. And guess what, men use it just as much and if I were to think long and hard about it, I could pretty easily figure out why they left. It's not personal. Usually there's just no major chemistry one way or the other.

HOW TO KEEP THEM AROUND:

To the extent you can comfortably do so, I would say follow the book The Rules. You don't have to go overboard with it (like not returning phone calls) but otherwise, it will save you from overinvesting yourself in hopeless causes.

HAVE AS MUCH FUN AS YOU CAN WITH IT:

One reason I put in the intro "I enjoy ______________, _________ and _________" is to get them to take me where I wanted to go. You WILL kiss a lot of frogs. So you might as well go out and have fun doing what you find enjoyable. I really did want a committed relationship. And I knew my life would be happier if I had someone to share it with. So I saw blind dates and going to singles events as a part time job that I couldn't quit. I might take a couple of months off here and there, but for the most part I kept it up whether I was having any fun or not. I finally met my boyfriend. As we used to say in sales, "Only one out of ten calls results in a sale, but it takes the other nine to get to the one that goes through." In my online dating experience, "Only one out of 100 online dates results in a long term relationship, but it takes the other 99 to get to the one that works." Was it worth it?? Yes, it was very worth it. It's been eight years now, and we couldn't be happier.

NOW HERE'S ME PLAYING THE PIANO (RECORDED) AND SINGING AND PLAYING GUITAR.