Pampering Yourself, Loving Yourself

I like to pamper myself in healthy ways, which cuts out cigarettes, sugary snacks, booze, or wild spending sprees, all of which would lead to regret and negate any therapeutic benefit. Any pampering I afford myself has long term positive effects. So the list gets down to the following:

MASSAGE: My masseuse, Isabella, works out all the kinks in my body and psyche one hour per month. Many people think of this as a pricey luxury. OK, so? Remember, I'm saving $4.00 per DAY by not going downstairs for Starbucks, $30.00 per weekend by not drinking, and $15.00 per week by not smoking like I did in the early 90's. The benefits of massage are huge, but mainly I just think of it as pushing all the toxins out of my muscles. Plus, it just feels so nurturing to be professionally massaged. Unlike a backrub (better than nothing), massages are like someone playing your body like a violin.

HOUSEKEEPING (by someone else): Elba comes over once a month to do the everything except wash the clothes. Look at the hobby list I've got going here. No way do I have time to wash my floors, clean the bathrooms, or even vacuum. My boyfriend loves having her over because I will pick all my hobby toys to enable her to clean once a month. Otherwise, the hobbies just take over. When I come home from my ceramics class after she's been here, and I start practicing for my piano lesson that afternoon, the house smells like I put hours into washing it, and I have, well, sort of. This is pampering at it's highest level. How do you afford this?? Cut out the silly Starbucks!

NAPS AT LUNCH: It's been called a power nap, and for me, it's all about recharging my battery. If I take a book into a conference room and knock myself out with a frozen dinner and about three pages of reading, I can sleep for 45 minutes. People from my prior companies know I have been doing this since 1989. Does it mean I am lazy? Didn't get enough sleep? Anti-social? No, it's all about working like a machine the WHOLE day rather than getting all catatonic about 2:00. As a morning person, my peak time is 8:00 - 11:30. With a lunch nap, I'm getting the morning all over again. Friday, I kept waking halfway up from my nap wondering what Karen was doing in my bedroom since I kept hearing her voice through the door! For the most part, a one hour nap is practically equivelant to a full night's sleep. No amount of Starbuck's can get you this much energy. You will always crash. Might as well get it over with on your lunch break.

DAILY WORK OUT: I get up at 5:15 and work out daily with 15 minutes of cardio, 10 minutes of weights, 15 minutes of cardio, 10 minutes of weights, 15 minutes of cardio, 10 minutes of weights. Why is this pampering?? Because (1) I feel really fit the rest of the day (2) I have a higher energy level than any other 50 year old I know (and a lot of 40 year olds) and (3) It's a way of saying to my body, "I care about you. I care whether you feel good and have a long healthy life. I care about the quality of your existence, not just the number of years you can drag yourself around despite your age and condition. This is my gift to you because you are VERY important to me. I refuse to let age limit you (other than not joining a spin class any time soon.)" See why I need a nap?

So what are my thought on Wii? I guess it depends on which exercise you are doing, but let's ask it this way:

Does Wii have a virtual simulation of 45 minutes on an elliptical machine at 110 RPMs? Does it have a simulation of chinning 75 lbs? Lifting 30 lbs with your quads 3 sets of 25 reps, or with your hamstrings 12.5 lbs each, 3 sets of 15 reps? If not that, yes, it's better than nothing, but it's crazy to call throwing a weightless bowling ball a workout. It's probably great for step aerobics, and yoga, just like videos were.

The key is to find what rewards you and give it to yourself regularly.

Never be Bored Again: Read

I not only love to read, I can't get through the day without it. I have to read to sleep, to ride a stationary bike or elliptical machine, to ride the train. Once I was so addicted to books on tape I couldn't work without listening to them all day at my desk. Every time I was in the car I had one going.

I wasn't a reader when I was growing up, but my parents were. I didn't read much until college, and then I became an English literature major. If you want your kids to read, you basically have to set the example of being a reader. My boyfriend's father was a house painter who never went to college, never went to high school. But he read voraciously all the classics he could buy. One son became a college professor and the other a geologist. I'm convinced that their father's example maximized their potential to succeed in school. They didn't have TV until they were older, so books were all his dad had to do for entertainment.

Here's my quick and easy ways to become a reader:

1. Never buy a book. The library has everything you want to read, and if your branch doesn't have it they can order it for you if you reserve it via the library website. If you buy a book, you might hate it, and then you will have wasted $7.99 and you might give up. If you must buy a book, they are .50 for paperback and $1.00 for hardbacks at the library. Half Price Books also has a $1.00 section because they get tens of thousands of books per week. If you must buy one, you can shop there.

2. Carry your book around with you everywhere. At some point in the day, you will have downtime. Whether it's the car wash, the treadmill, jury duty, the doctor's office, your in-laws, lunch alone, you are going to run the risk of getting really really bored. Use this time to learn something new, escape, or just be wildly entertained. They still make books on CD, and if you wind up totally hooked, you can check them out at the library and listen at your desk on your ear buds hooked into your laptop all day. They will think you are listening to music. You can get through two novels a week (unabridged). I can assure you, I would never have survived Bituminous for eleven years without doing so. This does not lessen your ability to do your job once you get used to it. In fact, it may very well enhance it.

3. Ask your reader friends what they like to read. You may already have a favorite genre, author, book on tape reader. Readers love to talk about their favorites and make recommendations. Just ask 'em.

4. If you start a book and it's boring you to death, move on to the next. If the reader's voice sounds like fingernails on a chalkboard, toss it aside and stick another CD in. Life's too short to suffer through a dull book or shrill reader. Some narrators are so phenomenal I could listen to them read the phone book (Frank Muller). Some write well but cannot read their own books (Stephen King) without ruining the experience.

Here's a few of my favorites based on genre:

Legal Thriller:
Scott Turrow's Personal Injuries*, Ordinary Heroes
Michael Connelly's The Brass Verdict

Drama:
Barbara Kingsolver's The Poisonwood Bible
Joci Picoult's My Sister's Keeper
Wally Lamb's I Know This Much is True*
Scott Smith's A Simple Plan
Larry McMurtry's The Last Picture Show*

Historical Fiction:
Kathryn Harrison's Poison*
Ron Hansen's Hitler's Neice

Horror: Stephen King's Misery and the following short stories, Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption, Apt Pupil, and The Body*

Mystery: Ruth Rendell's An Unkindness of Ravens Elizabeth George's Deception on His Mind

If you were one of those kids that said "Tell me a story" when you were a kid, reading nurtures that "inner child" who still wants to hear a great story.

*Exceptional on CD

Sculpting Ceramic Roses: Beautify Your Pots Even More

A pot can be made unique and beautiful with stunning glazes, textures, shapes, and what I call "doo dads". Doo dads are things you attach to your pot, like roses, insects, frogs, snakes, angels, and animals. I've stuck everything on pots from elephants and dragonflies, to entire bouquets. My sculpting never involves anything but my hands and the clay. I've tried using cake decorating tools and all I can say is don't waste your money. All I ever got was frustration because the clay is either too wet to hold a shape once it comes out of the cone, or too dry to come through the cone. With a couple of hours of practice, doo dads can be whipped out as long as your clay has the correct level of moisture.

You can also teach children how to make roses, frogs and dragonflies on Play-Doh, polymer clay, or good old clay. Polymer clay doesn't require a kiln, but the downside is it's pricey. I spend less than $8.00 on 20 lbs of stoneware. One pound of polymer clay is $10.00 or more. That's enough to make a small coffee cup. There's actually shops out there that will fire your stoneware projects in a kiln for a fee.

Here's the quick and easy way I make certain doo dads using clay:

ANGEL: Flatten out a slab for the "robe" and form into a cone. Roll a ball for the head (don't make it too big) and attach to the top of the cone. Roll a ball and flatten it for the halo (it will be a little bit bigger than the head so it will stick up above it) and stick it on the back of the head. Roll bigger balls and flatten in your hands to make wings. Make sure they are of equal size. Attach to the back. Add some little arms and praying hands if you like. All attachments are done through "slipping and scoring", which means scoring (using a pin tool or a little knife) the pieces you wish to attach where you want them to touch, applying watered down clay as the glue (or slip) where you want them to touch, and the sticking them together. If you don't "slip and score" the wing or head WILL pop off in the firing.

FIREFLY: Roll out a fat worm for the body. Roll out four more worms, two about the same size as the body, two a little bit smaller. Flatten them between your hands to make two big wings and two smaller wings. Attach the big wings about the middle of the body, and the small wings a little further down using slipping and scoring (see ANGEL instructions.) Roll two small balls for the eyes. Flatten them out just a little bit and attach them to the top of the worm where the head is. You might want to poke some holes into the eyes to make pupils.

FROGS: Roll out a short fat worm for the body. Roll out two more short fat worms for the back legs. Pinch one end of each of the legs and attach them to back side of the frog and pinch them all together into a little butt. Roll two eyes, flatten them a little and attach them to the "head". Then poke two pupils into the eyes (using a pen or whatever you have.)

GRAPES: Roll a buch of little balls and stick them on your pot. Roll out a ball and flatten it in your hand to make a leaf. When I make a leaf, it fold it at the point so that it looks more like a leaf. Attach to the pot and stick a few grapes on top of the leaf where it contacts the pot.

For anybody that wants to make a few bucks on this hobby, doo dads can double or triple what you would normally sell a piece for. For example, I've knocked out round lasagna dish that would normally go for maybe $15. When I stuck a couple of roses on the sides for handles, it went to $50. A $10 coffee cup goes to $20 with a flower on it. Teapots require a ton of work, but you can't always recoup your time...unless your have some doo dads or flowers stuck to it. People pay quite a bit for the decorations that make it a one-of-a-kind. As you can see from the video, it ain't rocket science. And in my case, roses are easier to whip out than two really nice symmetric handles!! All it takes is a little practice. People will also pay quite a bit for a doo dad that speaks to them (e.g. their favorite collectible). Start finding your forte and perfecting it!

Making Pillows Talk: Bargello and Embroidery

BARGELLO

When I was young I liked to work on needlepoint, but now I can't get excited by a project that can't be wrapped up in a week or two. Nor do I want to work on anything that comes in a kit where my personal input is not required. When I saw bargello designs for the first time I said, "Wow". Because each stitch covers multiple squares on the needlepoint mesh, bargello can be done in a fraction of the time. Bargello was created in Florence Italy for textiles. You also see these designs incorporated into beautiful quilts. There are different kinds of stitches such as flame stitches, dome designs, wave designs, and many more. This webpage gives you a quick peek as to how some of these designs are done: http://www.fruncesybordados.com.mx/Bargello%20Stitch.htm

Unlike regular needlepoint, bargello will not warp your mesh. So you can use a canvas mesh (as opposed to plastic) and it will be easier to sew a back onto. The fewer holes per inch will make for a larger version of the design and will make the project go faster. All you need is fluffy "fat" yarn so that you cover your holes well (maybe even doubling or tripling your yarn strands. I like to pick out colors I think look cool together, which may or may not be what the design in the book shows. One way to see how the yarn is going to look side by side, hold them up side by side in the store. There's no reason to get anything expensive. This is like a tapestry, so you want some sharpness to your look. Therefore, I avoid yarns that have multiple shades within the same ball. Two of my favorite books are Beautiful Bargello by Joyce Petschek and Four-Way Bargello by Dorothy Kaestner.

I don't assemble my own pillows because I don't own a sewing machine. However, once the needlepoint pattern is finished with a 1 1/2 inch border left uncompleted, you can take this down to a dry clearer that does alterations and just explain what you want. Bring the stuffing, the fabric for the backing, and whatever ruffles or tassels you might have in mind. This will cost about $20 for assembly.

EMBROIDERY

If you were raised in the 60's or 70's, there's a pretty good chance that you embroidered your jeans. I learned how to decorate mine at my mother's knee in junior high, and had lots of flower power cuffs, pockets, you name it. Machine embroidery probably existed on store bought clothes (another thing we didn't have), but it certainly wasn't computerized like it is now. I always liked the handmade look on jeans and decided I could easily pull it off with a pair of cheap used cut-offs at a second hand store. Which I did.

You may not be an embroidery expert, but you really don't need to be with this project. All you need are the cutoffs, the thread, and a hoop. This is something you can do on a plane, watching TV, or at the beach. You are simply building a picture out of little flower stitches. On the picture above, even the rainbow is made out of flower stitches. Here is You Tube video that shows exactly what I do for the petals and leaves. No drawing or planning, just off the top of my head. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JiIN2asUvkI This is a daisy stitch. I do the center with a french knot, also on You Tube. The assembly is very easy. You just sew the top closed, zip up the zipper and snap the snap and stuff the shorts. Then sew up the bottoms. If you ever wanted to wash it, you could take undo the seam on the top or bottom, take out the stuffing, wash it, restuff it and resew it. This is a super easy project but takes about a month of spare time to fill up one side (which is all I do.)

FUTURE PROJECTS

I've always wanted to make a bargello piano bench cover and that may be what comes up next. Any needlepoint upholstery cover on a chair seat or bench looks very rich. However, you might not want to start off with a project of dining room seat covers. You won't get much chance to look at it because it's not out in the open. Plus, it's one of those projects that will never get finished.

I've seen some very neat pillow forms at Joanne's, our fabric and crafts store here in Dallas. It's called a pocket pillow, and it has a pocket in the middle of one side. You simply wrap fabric around it and tuck the excess fabric in the pocket where it (we hope) keeps it secure. This looks super easy. If you wanted to get really crazy, they also have lampshade kits that have a sticky lampshade that you stick fabric onto. You could make a pocket pillow and a matching lampshade for a child's room in less than an hour. The lampshade project I have done, and it's very user friendly.

The fun thing about these kinds of projects is that it gives you something to do with your hands while you watch TV rather than snack. I'm a fidgeter, and as long as I'm going to do two things at once, it might as well be something for the beautification of the home!

Toastmasters: Going from Speechless to Silver Tongued

What exactly IS public speaking? We know that's what Toastmasters is there to help you with, but what's the difference between public speaking and just talking? We can already do that around family and friends. Let me give you some examples of public speaking:

1. Conducting a meeting in front of five people you only know through work.

2. A job interview.

3. Selling your boss on a new idea or a raise.

4. Going on a blind date.

5. Fund raising phone calls.

6. Teaching a class.

7. Giving a speech to an audience of 30 - 500 people.

Once upon a time, I couldn't do any of these things without getting stressed out. At the very least I would lose my train of thought in the middle of a sentence. At the worst my throat would close up. I remember going to a retreat in 1988, and people were taking turns going up to the podium in front of the room of about 100 people and saying something into the microphone about the topic. I had something to say, but once I got up there my throat closed and I sounded like I was trying not to cry (which was true). When I first started going to contests in Toastmasters in 1999, the throat closing continued to happen. (I actually won because my competition went overtime!) It took me a while to get over the nervousness that was causing this. I heard it described one time as follows by my first Toastmasters mentor: "You still have the butterflies in your stomach, but you get them to fly in formation."

Almost everybody has fear of public speaking. I heard an interview of James Earl Jones on NPR once and he talked about how he was a stammerer. Of course, once he learned his lines and rehearsed them for a performance, he had that beautiful delivery and you would never know he stammered. Stammering is like mental stuttering, and of course nervousness makes it worse. I finally had a word for my problem with drawing a blank. I also noticed President Bush had the same problem. Basically, you just get stuck on a word. Lots of pauses. One of the worst examples was when I went to a party in 1983 with my then boyfriend of a year, Stuart. When I went to introduce him, I couldn't remember his name. Solution, avoid introductions at all costs.

I could talk around friends with no problem. But put me in a situation where I was asked a question by a company big wig and I sounded really dumb. Some people have white coat syndrome (fear of doctors), I had dark suit and tie syndrome (fear of corporate big shots.) I think I stayed put at one of my prior companies far longer than I should have just because I hated interviewing and did it so poorly. When I left in 2005, I got a $27,000 increase in income. Lesson: The inability to sell yourself is downright expensive.

But what I know now is I'm far from being alone in my fear of speaking publicly. Thirty percent of people fear dying. Seventy-five percent of people fear public speaking. You might conclude that most people would rather die that speak publicly. They hate it so much that they will not do what is required to overcome it, even in a safe nurturing environment: Toastmasters. Even if it's costing them $27,000 dollars per year.

I originally went to Toastmasters in 1998 and started improving immediately. I was in an extremely small club (Oration Plus Toastmasters in Las Colinas, Irving, TX) so I had a lot of opportunity to speak. Within about three months they talked me into being the president (huh??) and with no idea of what I was committing to, I said yes. Fortunately, I had a lot of people keeping me and the club afloat. Then I went to another club which was all about getting better at English or Spanish (Fiesta Bilingual in Dallas), whichever one was your second language. I did about ten speeches in Spanish (which I learned in high school and college). Talk about a great avenue to work on a new language! With each speech, the fear of public speaking diminished. I had a ball and acted at VP of Education for a year.

After a ten year break, I joined Eagles Toastmasters in 2008 and said yes to being the next president about three months later. Being an officer in Toastmasters gives you some experience on leading people. If you are the type of person (as was I) that would rather be water-boarded than call people and ask them to volunteer, this might break you of that fear. In an officer's role, you simply cannot operate without delegating and persistently asking for helpers. I got over my hangup about "bothering people." I now know if I don't pass out the duties, I'm depriving other people of the chance to grow. Toastmasters is just as much a lab for managerial skills as it is for developing ones gift of gab. Here's the website: http://www.eaglestm.org/ They meet Fridays at 6:45 a.m. at Central and Meadow, Dallas at Denny's. This was super convenient for me because I could get in my meeting and never interrupt any other activities (hobbies) or work.

Toastmasters meetings follow all follow pretty much the same format:

(1) Three speakers give a speech

(2) Table topics: Five or so people are called at random to talk for at least 60 seconds on different questions on a similar theme.

(3) Evaluations of the speakers (very supportive and loving).

After each of these segments, the group votes on the best speaker, best Table topic, and best evaluator. Most of the meeting participants either have a speaking role or some kind of duty such as time keeper, Toastmaster, vote counter, etc. Basically it's a form of structured play with a lot of laughter.

Eagles Toastmasters has the basic ingredients to make it an above average club:

1. Fun people

2. Good speakers to learn from

3. Lots of leadership opportunities

4. Seasoned members who know the proper way to run a meeting

If you are looking for a way to develop your leadership skills, conduct a meeting, interview, and basically just sell yourself and your ideas, this is where you can learn all that for less than $50 for six months, which your company may very well pay for (gladly). Wherever you are in your speaking ability you can get better and better with a nurturing Toastmasters club.